itsmemacleod: How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
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gayan1983: Dad: “GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!” Child: *storms off* “JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!” Dad: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?”
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weavemunchers: imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves
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dickspeak: acting cool around ur crush
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thinsquids: I love seeing people walking by with little smiles on their face because something small happened that made them happy. Maybe they got a cute text, maybe they got laid, maybe they killed a man. You will never know.
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lyrangalia: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: voltisubito: Who the fuck named the Sahara Desert anyway Sahara is just the Arabic word for “deserts” You fucking named it the Desert Desert way to fucking go chai tea I’ll take “European Imperialists Who Never Bothered To Translate The Local Languages” for $200, Alex.
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badwolfinbelgravia: myfleshwounds: mitten: don’t hit ur girlfriend unless ur smacking that ass But make sure you have consent to smack dat ass ask the cutie before you touch the booty
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lumieres-home: ROFLMAO trappedinadiamond: so I’m at a gas station getting RED BULL AND THE GUY INFRONT OF ME IS TRYING TO GET CONDOMS AND HIS CARD GOT FUCKING DECLINED AND THIS LITTLE OLD WOMAN BEHIND ME WHISPEREd “he just got cock blocked by visa” I FUCKING SHAT MYSELF
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relahvant: when i make a joke to myself and no one’s around to hear it
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oreoofficial: why dont ppl do random things for me? u know. send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me $300,000
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dionthesocialist: Realistic Erotica: “Please don’t stop,” she moaned just as my fucking hand started to really cramp.
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nickelbackthatassup: no emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/
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detectivejane: knightoflime: Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who reads ancient scrolls written in a forbidden tongue and summons nightmarish beings from beyond the mortal plane.
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knightscrest: officialnasa: knightscrest: knightscrest: how do astronauts say they’re sorry? they apollo-gize!! We dont apologize. we are perfect. nasa i know of at least 2 exploded spaceships that beg to differ
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tardis-mind-palace: pir8crabs: Some people theorize that one extra factor that made the Titanic sink was added weight from loads and loads of time-travelers attempting to prevent it from sinking. #how to paradox
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fuck-n-cum: Masturbating as soon as you wake up is the best… Actually touching yourself whenever you have time is the best
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32 Things to Do Before you Turn 89

jenjay: 1. Stop reading lists of arbitrary life goals written by upper-middle-class white kids. 2.-32. Live your life judgment-free while cackling at people freaking out about those arbitrary life goals.
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plantkitten: u have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
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peachyypeachh: ronnies-corner: breadmaakesyoufat: starfreezer: Georges son calls from Hogwarts on the first day of school terrified and keeps asking if George is okay, he reassures him that everything is alright but asks why he would ask that. Georges son explains that he thought he had died because he could have sworn he had seen a ghost that looked just like him joking around with the older students STOP DIS RIGHT NOW first of all, fuck you second of all, fuck you
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ATTENTION

wordlessconversation: the-red-hurricane: IF ANYONE SEES THIS POST: do not click the link IT IS MALWARE I REPEAT, IT IS MALWARE thankfully my avast! stopped it. Others won’t be so lucky. please spread the word about this, so people won’t loose their stuff! Well shit, I’m glad I didn’t click the link when I reblogged it earlier. And I reblogged thinking it was going to help. I use Instagiffer to create gifs. All you need is a vídeo (you can even use a youtube link): Here: http://instagiffer.com/
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jibblyuniverse: derpfire: jibblyuniverse: frenums: things that will always sound sarcastic good for you thanks a lot yeah right nice to know wow way to go totally ok buddy Not if you say ‘man’ at the end ok buddy man I might not have thought that last one through
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beaky-peartree: Why do people act like being a vampire is so fucking great. You can’t eat garlic bread so what’s the point
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ladycaracas: some-peasant: ladycaracas: 1k notes = good post 10k notes = well done, you have some tumblr skill 100k notes = a work of art 1 million notes = a masterpiece, belongs in a museum 10 million notes = a legend that transcends time there is a 10 million note post that just says “egg” a legend that transcends time
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lesbolution: reblog if u remember when apple was a FRUIT, kids played OUTSIDE not on their ipads, and decomposing VICTIMS of the BUBONIC plague LITTERED the STREETS
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mammamoon: DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY YOU HAVE SUCH A STRONG URGE TO SQUEEZE THINGS BECAUSE THEY’RE CUTE there was an article about it and it said there is nothing to satisfy how you feel about the thing being so cute so the natural human urge is to kill it so it will stop being cute
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karemloo: for everyone who has a shitty dad, i’m your new dad now. i love you so much and i’m really proud of you. you’re doing so well and i couldn’t ask for a better child.
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dutchster: as a serial killer my name would be the suspense so my victims would be like “oh no, the suspense is killing me” and we would both laugh right before i killed them
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habituallydestructive: *laughs while actually getting feelings hurt*
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send me a colour please

Deep Red - I’m in love with you. Red - I love you. Pink - I think you’re cute. Blue - You’re amazing. Rose - You’re pretty Purple - You’re hot. Plum - I would fuck you. Violet - I would date you. Aqua - I could stay on your blog for hours. Lavender - You are my tumblr crush. Orange - I want to get to know you. Tangerine - We have a lot in common. Amber - I wish you would notice me. Cream - I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog
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babushka-nipples: *bellows from a distance* NEEEEEEERRRDDDD
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feministsupernatural: theawesomesauce93: gallopinggroundsloth: Ah, Bisexuality Day, when Freddie Mercury visits all the bisexuals who’ve been good the past year and gives them presents Ha ha, I can’t believe you still think Freddie Mercury is real. Everybody knows it’s really your parents. IT IS FREDDIE. I’VE SEEN HIM! HE COMES TO YOUR HOUSE AND LEAVES YOU OSCAR WILDE BOOKS AND MARLON BRANDO MOVIES.
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unclefather: when i’m famous i’ll remember that you unfollowed me
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pvriah: sometimes you just need to relax; to relax torelax orelax orelsax oralsex oral sex sometimes you just need oral sex
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kevinshalo: "What are you twelve" Yeah on a scale of one to ten bye
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That’s why I love trip-hop. Sad and angry songs, like myself.
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merylstreepismymom: "what does your tattoo mean?" It means I wanted it so I fucking got it
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pokemon-personalities: lets play a game called ‘i feel like i’m bothering you with everything i say so i won’t make any attempts at contact until you message me first’
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spockhetti: wo-nderland: Once u mess up liquid eyeliner there is no going back
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heckacute: I touch myself whenever I think about you. More specifically, I rub my temples because I get a headache because you’re awful.
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ridge: i hate it when people call me funny because I feel like I have to say something really funny again and I just can’t handle that pressure
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handaxe: handaxe: What’s the difference between america and yogurt? If u leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture
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petewanks: if u see me smiling in public it means im laughing at the jokes i tell myself in my head How did you find me!?
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ellis-dee: ostolero: if u are reading this I am actively converting you to discordianism you are probably already discordian sorry I don’t make the rules I was a Pope long before reading this post….quite frankly, if you are not part of the Cabal, what are you doing with your life?
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mentalalchemy: atripinsideaseparatemind: I want someone to look at me the way Jack White looks at Jimmy Page playing guitar hahahah
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rip-homegirl: let’s talk about the universe and make out
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psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
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goldella: I never actually say hi to my friends, I just make creepy faces at them from a distance.
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not-an-angel: animeboobies: lnnea: top 10 must-visit destinations: my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed my bed is this meant to be a testament to how lazy you are or are you trying to seduce someone i can’t tell both.
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thelumpyconglomerate: Why do movies show “nerdy girls” as carrying a billion books, and then portray them as physically weak? If a girl can carry the harry potter series, the lotr trilogy, and all of her textbooks then she can probably lift the protagonist football star and throw him across the football field
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thrashturbate: Making someone smile and moan at the same time during sex should be a life goal for everyone.
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Thoughts:

reallifekink: Tumblr needs a teleport function. Cause everyone that’s cool is super far away.
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*thinks about responsibilities* *shrugs* *masturbates*
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fartgallery: Um, actually Godzilla is the doctor, not the monster
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theairbitesshrewdly: i learned a palindrome today and its the best & funniest thing ive ever heard here goes: No sir! Away! A papaya war is on!
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lumos5001: thetechnicolortrenchcoat: Today is Copernicus’s 541th birthday. You may remember Copernicus as the man who said “Hey, what if the Earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “Hey, what if we set you on fire?” #history brought to you by tumblr
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lesbianvenom: i hate when people complain about how technology is “ruining everything.” i have over 200 pictures of my dog on my phone and i can send them to my friends when they are sad. how is that ruining anything. why do you hate happiness
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pyonkotchi: pyonkotchi: why are people in anime openings always running what are they running from?
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tsarbucks: no i’m not gonna lend you my pencil because if i lend you my pencil then you’ll want my calculator and then you’ll want austria and czechoslovakia and then you’ll end up invading poland and i will not have that shit
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destielsrainbowdick: morlarty: IF YOU GET STABBED DON’T FUCKING REMOVE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE IS KEEPING THE BLOOD INSIDE OF YOU IF YOU TAKE IT OUT YOU’LL BLEED OUT AND DIE. however if you’re trying to kill someone DON’T FUCKING LEAVE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE IS KEEPING THE BLOOD INSIDE OF THEM IF YOU TAKE IT OUT THEY’LL BLEED OUT AND DIE.
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moonstoners: tear my panties apart not my heart Teeth or scissors?
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dominospizzadelivery: "Hey can u check if that milk went bad?" *opens fridge* *milk has leather jacket on smoking a cigarette* "It’s bad alright"
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i-effed-it-all-up: no, i don’t watch that show, but i do follow its developments extensively via tumblr
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the-critical-hit: EXTRE3ME: JORNADA À E3 2014 QUASE 50 RPGS PRA FICAR DE OLHO NO MAIOR EVENTO DO ANO! Ano passado comentei por aqui o que esperava da E3 2013. Eis que, para minha surpresa, algumas coisas tornaram-se realidade — me senti a mãe Dináh —, e quem saiu “vitoriosa” do evento foi de fato a Sony através dos vários tapas na cara da Microsoft (que por sua vez vem felizmente se redimindo). Pra esse ano ainda não consegui minhas credenciais nem dinheiro para a passagem à Electronic Entertainment Expo, mas isso não quer dizer que esteja menos empolgado! Com todos os consoles da nova geração revelados, além dos antigos coexistentes, é tempo de ver o que cada empresa terá de melhor para mostrar no quesito software. Aqueles burburinhos sobre novos consoles é tudo furada, sendo o máximo que possamos ver uma revisão do que já conhecemos. Diferente de 2013 porém eu, daqui do conforto do meu escritório, tratarei neste artigo apenas os RPGs (e afins) que irão/deverão/deveriam pintar na E3 2014! É hora de se preparar, esqueça copa do mundo e prepare-se para diversão e gafes inesquecíveis! Foca no texto. Read More O GIF QUE FIZ DE DISGAEA 4
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dadreversal: gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential
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sopheos: IM SO PISSED BECAUSE I JUST REMEMBERED WHEN MILEY CYRUS WROTE HER BOOK SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS BULLIED AND LOCKED UP IN THE BATHROOM AT HER SCHOOL AND SHE HAD TO CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW IN MIDDLE SCHOOL BUT THAT WAS MY MIDDLE SCHOOL AND THERE ARE NO WINDOWS THE BATHROOMS ARENT EVEN LOCATED ON THE OUTER WALLS ITS LIKE CONCRETE CONCRETE AND MORE CONCRETE SHE LIED AND MY SIBLINGS WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER AND SHE WAS SO POPULAR THAT THEY HATED HER GOD IM SO ANGRY
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kohwala: follow my tumblr not your dreams
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unclefather: "Thanks for calling me a bitch because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are nature. and nature is beautiful. So thanks for calling me beautiful(: "
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comin4dabooty: "Whats ur zodiac sign?"
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