meanplastic: psyducked: one time my sister walked in on my fingering myself so I told her that I was checking my prostate because I was feeling sick and I was afraid I had cancer and we spent a good 15 minutes hugging each other crying
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paintdeath: confess your love for me via paypal
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meladoodle: *forgets what im talking about halfway through a sentence* *forgets what im talking about halfway through a… what was I talking about?
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part-time-stripper: fuks: camouflagegirl: dohertypeter: i still don’t understand why girls have to pay for pads and boys can get free condoms girls HAVE to have their periods and boys don’t HAVE to have sex This is the best post I have ever seen because pads dont prevent disease and unwanted children girls can also get free condoms fine then i’ll just bleed on everything you love
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supersmashthestatebros: under communism, we all share the same birthday, so birthday cake, today at the community garden, 3:00. be there or be laissez-faire.
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sinnaonthebarricade: In Shakespearean we don’t say “I love you” we say “Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice and could of men distinguish, her election hath seal’d thee for herself” which roughly translates to “I trust you completely even though every other person who meant anything to me has betrayed me” and I think that’s really beautiful.
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smaugchiefestofcalamities: feeling sad? Here is a picture of Peter Dinklage holding his baby:
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reasons why babies are not needed head to body ratio is uneven when was last time baby contribute to dinner time conversation baby unable to hunt for the clan baby is slow and usually racist
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guiseofgentlewords: how do you write poetry about someone who is poetry?
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slamnetwork: Hrm. It’s almost as though this comparison is completely fucking stupid? THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.
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asmilinggoddess: asmilinggoddess: "failed" panoramas will forever be amusing to me
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vladimirnootin: *fills mouth with m&ms* Its a metaphor HAHAHA!, that’s why I love Tumblr.
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please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you
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grey-violet: thorin-and-twerkteam: emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you. this is important because so many people don’t know this
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Men: *compares women to objects (sex fetishes) Women: *compares men to objects (candy, chambers from a gun) There, equality.
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datkarkatass: the-stars-descend: the-stars-descend: You’re living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You matter this is the most inspirational pun i have ever seen
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pinkisthenewscarlet: i-spooky-like-fedex: skellagirl: parallelsea: October OCTOber it’s the 8th month I cracked the code October is the 10th month though It was originally the 8th month but then Julius fucking Caesar decided to add in July and August after himself and his nephew Augustus we should totally just stab caesar
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bananaschnapple: A hydra is a snake right? So basically Nick fury is trying to get hydra off the helicarrier right? Does that mean he’s trying to get those motherfucking snakes off his motherfucking plane?
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silversora: Everyone is having secks and I’m like ah yes a new breed of potato
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isxbelle: Before u make fun of someone’s foreign accent, take some time to think about how they speak more languages than u and how u are a failure
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genociderfosho: What is going on with hentai artists that they keep drawing nipples like
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silversora: Allergies are weird as heck. You can snap a humans leg in half and they can recover but if you eat this peanut u dead
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feministsuperwholock: DON’T SPREAD THE NAME OF THE UCSB SHOOTER THERE HAVE BEEN STUDIES DONE THAT SHOW SPREADING THE NAME OF A SHOOTER MAKES MASS SHOOTINGS MORE FREQUENT AND INSPIRES OTHER MASS SHOOTERS REDACT HIS NAME FROM TEXTPOSTS AND JUST REPLACE IT WITH [The UCSB Shooter] LET’S NOT MAKE THIS GUY FAMOUS FOR KILLING WOMEN IT’S SETTING A PRECEDENT I’M PRETTY SURE WE DON’T WANT FOLLOWED SIGNAL BOOST PLEASE That’s why newspapers and the news in general don’t post about suicides. People tend to copycat those things.
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beyonceish: today i saw a scene couple in the hallway at school and the girl literally stopped kissing him so she could scratch his face and meow into his ear and he barked back i do not pay taxes for this shit
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riddlemehiddleston: riddlemehiddleston: I’M HOME ALONE AND MY PARENTS FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE PAINTING OUR HOUSE SO I’VE BEEN REENACTING LES MIS AND I JUST VIOLENTLY THREW OPEN THE WINDOW TO YELL ‘CANNONS’ AND THE POOR GUY NEARLY FELL OFF HIS STEPLADDER DON’T YOU DARE REBLOG THIS I MIGHT GET SUED
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alamatomb: Did you know that you can drink lava? But only once
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officialunitedstates: bombing: the 1700s called……they want their clothing back. haha just kidding the first telephone was invented in 1876 a good post AND i learned something. thanks tumbrl
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youaintshitok: Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.
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greathaircut: love how kids introduce themselves like “hello im johnny im five years old i know how to read” yeah cool i didnt ask for your life story asshole
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kumagawa: why do people keep saying asexuals are aliented, monkey d. luffy is asexual and he’s got a 400,000,000 bounty. asexuals are out of control and thirst for adventure, leave them alone
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martyr-ed: castiels-feathery-butt: tyflowsion: what if ducks threw bread back at you you’d have to duck This expresses the English language pretty well
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clientsfromhell: Client: I have a problem with the website. Me: Okay, what’s wrong with it? Client: The colors are wrong. The font is wrong. The company name is wrong. We didn’t approve any of this copy. How could this have happened?! Me: Sir, you’re looking at the wrong website. Your website is located at this link. Client: Yes, that’s much better. Thanks for turning that around so quickly.
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clientsfromhell: Client: This is a rush project. Me: What would be your deadline? Client: Yesterday. Me: If you supply the Delorean, I’m game.
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derpollo-justice: aquaticwonder: Are you a piece of art because I’d like to nail you up against a wall Damn
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philliptunalunatique: a gryffindor will die for you a slytherin will kill for you a ravenclaw will figure out a solution where no one dies a hufflepuff will be sitting next to you in the after life going “could have been worse”
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ugly-girl-problems: psychotic-peace: reverendjohnnymidnite: lillylouwho: trigger-incoming: This website is like a suicide hotline but with text chat instead. I would appreciate it if you guys helped spread the word. Guys, seriously. Signal boost. I needed this the other night, and a few weeks ago I was talking with someone who needed it. This is the best freaking thing ever. Always. I am so glad I found this. I hate calling hotlines. this is perfect, everyone must know. http://ift.tt/PkJYyx
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lilsucia: When someone says they wanna go help kids in Africa Ask what country
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averagebare: i heard a kid say “but DAAAAAD” and his dad said “DID YOU JUST CALL ME BUTT-DAD? YOURE GROUNDED” I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 3 YEARS
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queen-of-love-and-beauty: Men who can’t cook, clean, or even do their own laundry are not “cute” and “in need of a woman to care for them”. They are spoiled brats so dependent on gender roles that they never bothered to learn the minimal skills to take care of themselves.
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richsex: The first time a girl ever took her underwear off in front of me I said, “Golly, it’s just like I seen in the pictures!” in a very 1920’s voice. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. She didn’t laugh. I didn’t laugh. That was probably one of the darkest days of my life.
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suluboo: relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead
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chrull: Paul Robertson
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aieon: It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.
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frozenteen: Have you ever realized that every book you’ve ever read is just a combination of 26 letters
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easilyhumored: but mom, yodeling is my passion
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wailorded: me: did it hurt when you fell from heaven? satan: fuck off
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gothicwoadie: instead of degrading women, maybe we should upgrade women. im talking bigger boobs. faster downloading. lasers
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tumbrlplug: *drops food and says Ctrl+Z*
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clown-dick: how to get a thigh gap put a guys head between your legs
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officialunitedstates: accioconfusion: officialunitedstates: I don’t trust the media, too many acronyms. what does cnn stand for? literally no one knows the answer cable news network could be. literally no one knows
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Criando receitas no IFTTT pra automatizar postagens DO twitter PARA tumblr. Antes era o contrário Isso vai melhorar a estética das postagens

Criando receitas no IFTTT pra automatizar postagens DO twitter PARA tumblr. Antes era o contrário Isso vai melhorar a estética das postagens — Kawen (@_kawen) May 14, 2014 from Twitter http://ift.tt/QGWE41 May 13, 2014 at 11:36PM via IFTTT
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sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants "Algumas vezes me sinto inútil, mas então lembro que ao respirar produzo carbono de dióxido para as plantas"
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ambedo n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life
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hovicks: y’all make jokes about what a lame power phasing is but like. kitty could rip your heart out of your chest. or phase an object through your skull but instead she uses her power to phase a giant bullet THROUGH THE ENTIRE EARTH please don’t underestimate kitty pryde she is fucking hardcore
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shailenes: TIME: “Do you consider yourself a feminist?” Shailene Woodley: ”No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance.” Sexiest woman of the Universe.
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ludicolocos: pitynotawidow: this is my new favourite gif i have never noticed before today that spidey wasn’t real still laughing about it 3 hours later THE WIND ISN’T EVEN BLOWING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
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filitheknifeless: so i am rereading harry potter and the order of the phoenix, and i reached page 666; and the first word on that page is umbridge
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